Survivor ➡️ Overcomer

Scriptures:

• Revelation 12:11 ” And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life, even when they faced death.

• Romans 8: 37 ” But in all these things, we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.”

Definitions:

Survivor:

to remain alive or in existence. Or, a person who lives through a life event that many die from.

Overcomer:

an individual that not only survives opposition but defeats it, flips it around and uses it to give God the well deserved glory. And brings others out of bondage.

T R A N S P A R E N T • M O M E N T

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do is learn to love myself. Every imperfection, scar, bruise, flaw everything. It’s not easy and everyday I’m working on it. You see, being broken is all I’ve ever known. I didn’t love anything about myself because I was a fatherless child. I never had a daddy to tell me I was beautiful, to take me to dances, out to dinner, to school events, etc. The only males that I’ve ever encountered in my life were negative and abusive. It broke my heart and crushed my spirit. I’ve always dreamt of being a daddy’s girl growing up. It really didn’t happen. I was battling so much alone, and eventually depression crept in. I began warring for my life- literally! I was so overwhelmed, the devil had me believing I was defeated and would die depressed. And for a long time I believed it. I went through years of depression. Suicide was on my mind heavy and constant. But In the midst of the ugly God started working and I mean working!!! I can finally say, that He’s restoring me, I’m on a road to wholeness! I no longer have that mind and I’m no longer depressed! -Thank You JESUS! God was not only working on me; but my relationship with my biological father. He’s rebuilding my confidence, He’s restoring the joy, peace and faith I lost along the way. As well as the strength to tell my story. He’s transitioning me from broken to healed and whole. He’s switching my title from survivor to overcomer. From survivor of suicide to suicide OVERCOMER. From survivor of depression to depression OVERCOMER. Abuse survivor to Abuse Overcomer! Y’all, it’s a rough process, a battle worth fighting. I know with God, I will overcome everything! With victory over the things that almost caused me my life, that snatched away my sanity, joy and so much more. I don’t have it together, but with God I will overcome. I can honestly testify that- I was the MOST broken, lost, abused, neglected, rebellious, mean and fearful sheep. A sheep who went astray due to fear, rejection and shame. A sheep who Jesus pursued after and rescued from the pit. A sheep who was loved and redeemed by a HOLY GOD who thought I was worth dying for. My sins and all! – My journey of healing and overcoming is just beginning- I’m just thankful I’m no longer traveling through this season alone. He never leaves or forsakes His children and that’s a promise He’s never broken. I’m SO thankful for being adopted by the Most High as His own daughter. To know that I will never be a Fatherless child again makes my heart smile. We aren’t defeated, we are chosen and with the help our Father and savior Jesus Christ, we will overcome.

shirt by: Amanda Ferguson ❤️

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The Fatherless Seeking The Father

Father -1  a : a man who has begotten a child; also : sire b capitalize (1) : God (2) : the first person of the Trinity: often of particular power or influence who serves as an emotional substitute for a physical or earthly father!

Scripture References:

Psalm 68:5 “A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His Holy dwelling.”

John 14:18 “Will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you!”

1John 3:1 “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.”


Growing up I always wanted to be a daddy’s girl. My heart longed for that. I wanted to be able to participate in daddy/daughter school dances, see him at my sport functions, pray with me, go to dinner, and celebrate our birthdays together since they’re a day apart. But it never happened, I was disappointed yet I learned to accept it. Just not fully because everyone needs a good Father to help them love and grow. A fathers love is so important. As a small child I looked for a father figure, but going through trauma cut off all desires to have a father. So as I became a teenager and now an adult I realize how much I need a father. Especially now. Childhood trauma is the worse thing you can go through and if not handled correctly it can cause destruction. It leaves the deepest wounds & it can make you hardhearted! Without even realizing it, you build walls, boarders and barriers up around your heart. You don’t know how to love anyone fully, you don’t feel like you use to, you grow up physically but are premature spiritually, emotionally and mentally. You’ve taught yourself to “live” in fear, afraid to live, afraid to open up and you make things okay for others when it’s really not. Your mind is a literal prison that doesn’t have any windows, bars or light. You lack trust, which causes you to live a very limited life. So limited you stop living and just survive. How do I know this you ask? – I lived it. As a child I cried out to Him, He never answered. Or at least I never heard His voice. So when He asked me to trust Him, to trust Him as my father- I couldn’t even do it. I didn’t know how.  I never had an earthly father to show me how to receive love, to build a relationship with or trust. I was fearful of men. So what ended up happening is I lived a life so deep in pain that I literally closed Him out too without realizing it. It consumed me.  I know He wants in and I can’t even figure out how to remove the barriers of my heart, yet He does! God wanted to come in so long ago in my life as a father, He’s knocked, He’s spoken to me and I didn’t know how to open the door. I was so messed up, broken and didn’t trust Him. And He is freeing me from this place.  And guess what?! You don’t have to stay there either! Only one can fix it, only one can heal you and make you whole. He’s The Father, God of the Heavens, The Way Maker and Father of Jesus Christ. As The Father, God’s main desire is to provide for you, love you, heal you and free you! He waits for us to make that decision, He waits at the door of our hearts. He’s ready to mend what’s been broken, He’s ready to build that firm relationship, He wants our hearts completely, our trust, our love-He wants it all! It’s hard to do ( I’m a witness) but it must be done. If we stay in the same place we’ll eventually die there. As the time goes by, I’ve been constantly praying saying,  “Dear Lord help me, take the barriers away that I’ve built up, help me to trust You with every ounce of me, teach me to see You as the Father, my father,the provider, as well as God.  Show how to love, trust and know You. Help me to know my rightful place as your daughter and when all else fails; help me to remember You do not!”  In Jesus name amen. – Just a simple, honest prayer can change your whole life, I believe it’s going to happen!

I Didn’t Marry My Dream Husband

I Didn’t Marry My Dream Husband

A Must Read!!

Amanda Ferguson

Hey ladies!

Thank you all so much for the love and feedback.  If you’re not subscribed to this blog yet, do so NOW. I have another free gift that I will be sending this week to all subscribers. You won’t want to miss it 🙂

Now on to the blog…


This may take you as a surprise, but I absolutely did NOT marry my dream husband.

Like most singles, I had my “list” of what my dream husband HAD to contain. After the prerequisite of loving and serving Jesus of course and some of the other generic things that most women want, these three attributes were on my top MUST have list in a dream husband:

-Must be an accountant 

-Must look like Denzel Washington 

-Must know how to barbeque

You may look at that list and laugh, but they meant everything to me! I refused to marry someone who…

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A new thing…

 

 

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I literally couldn’t have said this better myself. I’ve gone through a lot of hell throughout my life. Depression, low self-esteem, attempted suicide, fear of rejection and different categories of abuse! I’ve battled many things, I’ve lost a lot of people, been mistreated and lied on. I’ve carried unnecessary weight, kept myself in bondage to protect others- while at the same time I was destroying myself.  But in 2016 Jesus started a transition and this year 2017 He promised to complete it. No, my walk is not like anyone else’s and no it won’t always make sense to others. It didn’t to me at first, but God said in Isaiah 43:19 “Behold, I will do a new thing!” It was hard to understand at first, But it’s what God gave me and I wouldn’t change it. I’ve experienced people I’ve loved my entire life, reject me. Some said I was being deceived and that it wasn’t God who told me to go on this spiritual journey.  The pain was awful- but I remembered what God promised me. I’ve cried SO much, I’ve lost more than I’ve gained, but Jesus said there’s a price to pay when we walk with Him. He never leaves us empty or alone eventually, He adds to us and replaces everything we lost with greater things. We just have to keep walking, no matter how hard it gets,  no matter who hard the winds blow, no matter what dark storms blow in, keep moving forward. When this all started and He told me ” You are free” so many things he came to mind. Am I going crazy?!  Was He telling me I’m free from my past? Would I be free from the bondage that stole 16+ years of my life? Am I free to walk in my calling? Eventually, I got the answers and one things for sure, God cannot make mistakes. I’m still going through this very day, I am learning how to fully trust God, to take my hands complete off the situation and give it to Him. But trust is hard for me but I’m praying and working at it daily. One thing that my sister reminded me of is Romans 8:28 “And we know ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Meaning the hell I went through, the depression, the years of darkness, the separation, to the very year of deliverance; God was using my story for His Glory! HE was qualifying me for my purpose/calling. No, I’m not perfect and yes I have a long way to go! Yes, this road He has me on is bumpy at certain points, it’s hard to see the good in it at times, but one things for sure, I will not quit. My life is a testimony, my life matters to Him and that’s enough for me!

The Atonement

Romans 5:11  “And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.”

Atonement: the reconciliation of God and humankind through the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ.

When I first saw the word atonement, I didn’t  know what it meant, but I knew it was a powerful word. When I researched the definition of atonement I learned that it’s a powerful thing, actually, one of the most powerful, game changing, life sparing, selfless acts that Jesus could’ve ever done. He paid the ultimate price for us, being tortured for our  sins. He was killed for a sinful world, yet guilty of nothing but His love for us. When He took His final breath He conquered death, darkness, and He rose up with ALL power!
Today as I sit here in the waiting room while my 2-year-old nephew is undergoing a serious surgery, God reminded me of The Atonement. He brought back to me what it really meant, what His blood shed did and still does for us today.  He died for this baby and rose up again with Kingston on His mind. His blood heals and purifies Kingston’s little body and we rejoice even now because Jesus stands with ALL power. Around 3 pm, Kingston came out of surgery and they’ve put him in PICU. They have him in an induced coma for a day or so to help heal the hole that was in his esophagus.But even in this God has miraculously reduced his surgery length and He blessed him with a high rated nurse. God has definitely moved throughout this long day in ways big and small.   He had absolutely NO issues with his oxygen dropping like the last several times and He blessed him with a highly recommended and over qualified nurse. God has definitely moved throughout this long day in ways big and small. My heart is SO full today.

Purpose behind the pain

“Growing up, I was ashamed of who I was. It literally made me sick to see myself in the mirror. I used to hate seeing old pictures of me as a child, I didn’t know what love was, I trusted nobody. I had so many insecurities, I didn’t fit in, I had so many issues with myself personally. I lost myself once and went into a really dark Depression that lasted a little over 2 years. Which caused me to physically get sick. I didn’t care about nothing. I lived my entire life a lie to please others, not realizing the damage I had done to myself. Which almost resulted in suicide. I attempted it multiple times. Now at 25 my life’s completely changed, God rescued me from the pit. I look back now and my past was pretty rough, I encountered things that many don’t survive. And today, I’m free. Today I’m not a statistic. My story matters, I found my voice, my life means something and the scars- they’re there. They aren’t going away no matter how much I try to fade them. The healing process was SO trying- but I’m no longer bound. I live no longer afraid of what people think of me- why? Because my story is for God’s glory,  He chose me to bear that cross, He chose me to be broken, He chose me to go through the darkness. He adopted me, a sinner, He loved me, He came and delivered me. And now I live unashamed. Even though it’s been one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever opened up about, I understand that It’s a testimony to deliver others. There’s one thing I will admit, I will never regret my past because it was the fire that refined, shaped and perfected my value. All Glory belongs to God.- So does my heart. ” -Shanay D. Jefferson

Obediently Deny Yourself.

“ I didn’t realize that just a tiny thing could hold you back spiritually, mess you up mentally and even physically. It can literally cause you to lose your life and your salvation. Hell over a small issue? Because we don’t want to face a little persecution, yet we want to take on His Holy name? When the bible says “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” — When Jesus said deny ourselves He means we need to empty or hands and let Him give us what we need.” He meant no matter how bad someone hurt you, let it go and love them anyhow. He also meant that even when you’re not in the wrong, we must learn to keep our mouths shut. He was saying once we took on His name our lives were no longer our own. What we want no longer matters. See, I am in a season, where I could’ve been free a long time ago. But I couldn’t because I didn’t understand it and was so in my feelings, I missed the revelation. God gave me a word and instead of doing what He said right then I missed my chance to move into the next season. Why? Because I was uncomfortable. It took me from March until November to start understanding  it. About a week or so ago, I was SO lost, I prayed, prayed, cried and prayed some more but I still wasn’t free. So I battled for a few more months through pure hell. I prayed, read the word, and cried! One day I cried out to God, literally crying out with my whole heart because I had let something so small consume me. I was so mad then sad, then broken. I felt so betrayed and abandoned. Not knowing that it was all apart of God’s plan. Once it got bad enough, I literally broke and I begged God to please help me, because in all honesty, I was lost, so scared and I felt like I was stuck. He answered me with simple instructions. He said “Once You do what I told you to do, you would be free.” So today, I did exactly what He said and literally I feel free. The peace that I now have, I can’t explain it. All because I heard His voice and I obeyed.  Obedience is truly better that sacrifice. I feel SO good for once. To be free💕